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Ten Hundred Thousand

by Jan Reed

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1.
Flower Seeds 02:49
They'll know you when they see you your dearest ones are always right here don't worry Of course there's joy in comfort but you're riding the edge of the fire just fine don't worry Someday we'll all be flower seeds I'm sorry if I ever called you crazy or was it you saying it to me? You always look at the clouds I always look at the ground it's between without a sound and I'll meet you out on the patio we'll talk just like it was years ago a face I know Someday we'll all be flower seeds I'm sorry if I ever called you crazy you know you're dear to me Little sacred heart I'll hold you in my arms I'll hold you in my arms my little sacred heart There must be something we do right you find your way through the forest just fine nearly every time
2.
It's always harder in the winter to keep your head above water we'll never get this land back the way that it was and I've always been a dull and facile daughter Crows are cheap, you find them everywhere I said I would abide it so I will things we should have grown out of by now I was too grateful, too grateful it turned away Now I've got all this love for all the bright and difficult suns (sons) of this planet keeping alive this planet I heard someone singing someone singing I said I would abide so I did things we should have grown out of by now it was too raw, too unbroken, and it burned away I'll stand here and listen at the doorway I said I would abide it as long as it takes and maybe could have held my breath for longer but still grateful, too damn grateful, too burned away
3.
Bruised eye, I remember you walking under clouds gray, and barely over the trees Knowing what was coming no words worth saying bare, and unmoving It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart A room with walls again the world's lost the shape I'd only barely learned it could take After the crash but before the bills came due I still would walk sometimes with you It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart We grew up from the ground with our movements all tied to the spheres in the sky by wire and we dance for a while down the length of the style with our anthers dusting the wind oh, what little hope oh, how modest in depth and scope balanced here, on this tightrope We'll find that field again, maybe sometime soon I'm thinking May or June we'll lay on our backs, watch the formless sky turn in, fold, and ply It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart
4.
Forgive me, love I couldn't have done better at the time with what was mine Tell me now is this the action of the plow that rips the earth to set the seed for the grain to reach the sheaves And the thing you gave to me I dropped it off the bridge accidentally And the thought of it under the water I screamed like a phantom nearly went in after What's done is done hard as stone won't be undersold can't be overthrown So forgive me, love if the warmth of your touch wasn't enough nothing was
5.
No Heaven 03:04
They just finished the mowing I expect you'll be coming for me soon hear the wind in the trees at night and I know it's you There's no heaven I know of there isn't even a turnout lane what I thought I was serving was love But it never was to bring them comfort never was to keep them safe just open-handed begging at the gate I, your scholar, waiting on your word though perhaps you've turned and I'll remain unlearned How the stars have shattered leaving no boon I guess I wrote it too soon What of the themes of work and harvest and of getting what you need when you need it maybe i'm still sick I still feel it Oh I ain't got no use for your red rocking chair ain't got no baby now Oh I ain't got no use for your red rocking chair ain't got no baby now
6.
Gave the wrong answers for all the education, I'm still here still here But be willing to go where called that's all Yes, be willing to go where called that's all
7.
It is, no matter what no matter what you do nothing can separate my love from you Don't strain to sort it out make the message true it's been a hard enough few years for you Hold the hands of those you find dear it wasn't ever born and doesn't disappear And all the trains you boarded all the lines you've thrown innocent in all this longing wanting to be shown It is, no matter what no matter what you do paid a cent to light a candle Notre-Dame de Chartres Cathedral The lines are in their places trains bringing you home broken heart now sanctified worn down to the bone
8.
Little spider crawling on the floor will it ever be like it was before heading sure It's so raw it breaks the skin all the time we waited to begin get permission But it's heading up the wire this anarchist desire I'm drowning in I'll help you check out of the hospital back to the walls that know you best of all hear your footfall 'Cause i too have been marooned on shores where what I'd planned is not what they had in store what are you in for This body is a maze ten hundred thousand days to find the core This body is a maze ten hundred thousand days to find the core
9.
Woke up tied up waiting for someone more free with their words to come and take what I don't hide well enough and dig it up It don't have a name in fact it has less of a name than it used to But one thing you don't have to be is ever afraid of me 'Cause it's dark enough as it is here dark enough as it is here Maybe it's not what I think but it's like we're riding around with the lights off it changes so suddenly you're spinning around then you're flipped upside down You're a treasure, a treasure, a treasure you're an angel, a satvic, a kite your accidents kick at the embers scatter and stir up the heat and the light and God knows how cold it can be here God knows how cold it can be here Let's go down to the river spend the autumn in the forest where we'll sigh and cast off in chorus we know the signs and the markers and can follow them in darkness while the river and the willows pull their hearts into the earth Old brothers call me but they're not the sun, and I'm not the sea the water floating on the air we didn't put it there Sand or blacktop the overpass is over-wrought they'll take what we don't learn well enough and bring it up they'll take what we don't learn well enough and bring it up
10.
Along Rivers 02:55
Your home is bones along rivers and roads you drove it with your eyes closed The wall that held the water back with freeze and thaw began to crack And here I'm finding one more place it's not Where the mirror on the water of the skies belies a depth it can never achieve perhaps without intent to deceive But maybe never knowing it's true shores boasting, over-filled, and over sides it pours It's sublime how it lined it up to help me break the stones apart silent as the moonlight and laid down from the start They said you'd bury me along with the others you'd bury me along with the others Your home is bones along rivers and roads you drove it with your eyes closed
11.
Lia-bird 01:39
You act like it's the enemy there is no enemy you push away at everything there's no need there's no need there's no need there's no need You act like it's the enemy there is no enemy unfasten all your fastenings and see and see and see and see What will come to you the Lia-bird what will come to you the kindred

about

A song a month, starting August 2011 when I moved to Boise, Idaho. It's been an interesting year, replete with lessons, the notes from which are now put down in song-form.

credits

released August 16, 2012

All songs written and recorded by Jan Summerhays. Jake Davidson contributed guitar, vocals, and beats in a few places as noted.

All I Ching hexagram descriptions are sourced from Total I Ching: Myths for Change by Stephen Karcher.

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Jan Reed Boise, Idaho

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