Ten Hundred Thousand

by Jan Reed

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about

A song a month, starting August 2011 when I moved to Boise, Idaho. It's been an interesting year, replete with lessons, the notes from which are now put down in song-form.

credits

released August 16, 2012

All songs written and recorded by Jan Summerhays. Jake Davidson contributed guitar, vocals, and beats in a few places as noted.

All I Ching hexagram descriptions are sourced from Total I Ching: Myths for Change by Stephen Karcher.

tags

tags: folk Boise

license

all rights reserved

about

Jan Reed Boise, Idaho

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Track Name: Flower Seeds
They'll know you when they see you
your dearest ones are always
right here
don't worry

Of course there's joy in comfort
but you're riding the edge of the fire
just fine
don't worry

Someday we'll all be flower seeds
I'm sorry if I ever called you crazy
or was it you saying it to me?

You always look at the clouds
I always look at the ground
it's between
without a sound
and I'll meet you out on the patio
we'll talk just like
it was years ago
a face I know

Someday we'll all be flower seeds
I'm sorry if I ever called you crazy
you know you're dear to me

Little sacred heart
I'll hold you in my arms
I'll hold you in my arms
my little sacred heart

There must be something we do right
you find your way through the forest
just fine
nearly every time
Track Name: K'un / The Receptive
It's always harder in the winter
to keep your head above water
we'll never get this land back the way that it was
and I've always been a dull and facile daughter

Crows are cheap, you find them everywhere
I said I would abide it so I will
things we should have grown out of by now
I was too grateful, too grateful
it turned away

Now I've got all this love
for all the bright and difficult suns (sons)
of this planet
keeping alive this planet

I heard someone singing someone singing
I said I would abide so I did
things we should have grown out of by now
it was too raw, too unbroken, and it burned away

I'll stand here and listen at the doorway
I said I would abide it as long as it takes
and maybe could have held my breath for longer
but still grateful, too damn grateful, too burned away
Track Name: After the Crash
Bruised eye, I remember you
walking under clouds
gray, and barely over the trees

Knowing what was coming
no words worth saying
bare, and unmoving

It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart
It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart

A room with walls again
the world's lost the shape
I'd only barely learned it could take

After the crash
but before the bills came due
I still would walk sometimes with you

It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart
It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart

We grew up from the ground with our movements all tied
to the spheres in the sky by wire
and we dance for a while down the length of the style
with our anthers dusting the wind
oh, what little hope
oh, how modest in depth and scope
balanced here, on this tightrope

We'll find that field again, maybe sometime soon
I'm thinking May or June
we'll lay on our backs,
watch the formless sky
turn in, fold, and ply

It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart
It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart
It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart
It puts itself together, it pulls itself apart
Track Name: Bridge at Arles
Forgive me, love
I couldn't have done
better
at the time
with what was mine

Tell me now
is this the action of the plow
that rips the earth to set the seed
for the grain to reach the sheaves

And the thing
you gave to me
I dropped it off the bridge
accidentally

And the thought of it
under the water
I screamed like a phantom
nearly went in after

What's done is done
hard as stone
won't be undersold
can't be overthrown

So forgive me, love
if the warmth of your touch
wasn't enough
nothing was
Track Name: No Heaven
They just finished the mowing
I expect you'll be coming for me soon
hear the wind in the trees at night and I know it's you

There's no heaven I know of
there isn't even a turnout lane
what I thought I was serving was love

But it never was to bring them comfort
never was to keep them safe
just open-handed begging at the gate

I, your scholar, waiting on your word
though perhaps you've turned and I'll remain
unlearned

How the stars have shattered
leaving no boon
I guess I wrote it too soon

What of the themes of work and harvest
and of getting what you need when you need it
maybe i'm still sick
I still feel it

Oh I ain't got no use for your red rocking chair
ain't got no baby now
Oh I ain't got no use for your red rocking chair
ain't got no baby now
Track Name: Be Willing to Go
Gave the wrong answers
for all the education, I'm still here
still here

But be willing
to go
where called
that's all

Yes, be willing
to go
where called
that's all
Track Name: Pour les Pèlerins
It is, no matter what
no matter what you do
nothing can separate
my love from you

Don't strain to sort it out
make the message true
it's been a hard enough
few years for you

Hold the hands
of those you find dear
it wasn't ever born and
doesn't disappear

And all the trains you boarded
all the lines you've thrown
innocent in all this longing
wanting to be shown

It is, no matter what
no matter what you do
paid a cent to light a candle
Notre-Dame de Chartres Cathedral

The lines are in their places
trains bringing you home
broken heart now sanctified
worn down to the bone
Track Name: Ten Hundred Thousand Days
Little spider crawling on the floor
will it ever be like it was before
heading sure

It's so raw it breaks the skin
all the time we waited to begin
get permission

But it's heading up the wire
this anarchist desire I'm drowning in

I'll help you check out of the hospital
back to the walls that know you best of all
hear your footfall

'Cause i too have been marooned on shores
where what I'd planned is not what they had in store
what are you in for

This body is a maze
ten hundred thousand days
to find the core

This body is a maze
ten hundred thousand days
to find the core
Track Name: It Don't Have a Name
Woke up tied up
waiting for someone more free with their words to come
and take what I don't hide well enough
and dig it up

It don't have a name
in fact it has less of a name than it used to
But one thing you don't have to be
is ever afraid of me

'Cause it's dark enough as it is here
dark enough as it is here

Maybe it's not what I think
but it's like we're riding around with the lights off
it changes so suddenly
you're spinning around
then you're flipped upside down

You're a treasure, a treasure, a treasure
you're an angel, a satvic, a kite
your accidents kick at the embers
scatter and stir up the heat and the light
and God knows how cold it can be here
God knows how cold it can be here

Let's go down to the river
spend the autumn in the forest
where we'll sigh and cast off
in chorus
we know the signs and the markers
and can follow them in darkness
while the river and the willows
pull their hearts into the earth

Old brothers call me
but they're not the sun, and I'm not the sea
the water floating on the air
we didn't put it there

Sand or blacktop
the overpass is over-wrought
they'll take what we don't learn well enough
and bring it up
they'll take what we don't learn well enough
and bring it up
Track Name: Along Rivers
Your home is bones
along rivers and roads
you drove it with
your eyes closed

The wall that held
the water back
with freeze and thaw
began to crack

And here I'm finding one more place it's not
Where the mirror on the water of the skies
belies a depth it can never achieve
perhaps without intent to deceive

But maybe never knowing it's true shores
boasting, over-filled, and over sides it pours

It's sublime how it lined it up
to help me break the stones apart
silent as the moonlight
and laid down from the start

They said you'd bury me
along with the others
you'd bury me
along with the others

Your home is bones
along rivers and roads
you drove it with your eyes closed
Track Name: Lia-bird
You act like it's the enemy
there is no enemy
you push away at everything
there's no need there's no need there's no need there's no need

You act like it's the enemy
there is no enemy
unfasten all your fastenings
and see and see and see and see

What will come to you
the Lia-bird
what will come to you
the kindred